Pretty much everything I write about is about personal empowerment. I think it’s such an important subject in a world that is always trying to pull you in directions. It’s easy to get lost without that internal guage. We want to do the right thing, for ourselves and others, and so we tend to be swayed by others. The key is to honour yourself and follow what adds value to your life.
I have felt extreme guilt and obligation to things that I once committed to, or to friends I once vibed with and tended to cling onto these far beyond their expiry date. If I was able to let them go, I tended to feel extreme guilt and I would question my decision.
What I’m trying to do these days is just be kind of ruthless with trusting my gut. I’m simplifying decisions into yes or no questions. “Do I want to eat ice cream?” y/n (almost always yes…), “Did you feel good last time you hung out with that person?”, “Do you find cold water plunging fun or enjoyable?”
In the past I’ve been swayed by what I would call ‘the shoulds’. ‘The shoulds’ are an accumulation of thoughts and beliefs from life where even if we don’t enjoy something, we think we “should” still do it or force it. They happen from learning too much science and from ultimately buying into any belief system.
The new, improved and empowered system that I’m choosing to use is based on a series of simple questions:
- Does it feel good?
- Is it fun?
- Do I enjoy it?
- Does it replenish or nurture me?
- Is it uplifting and positive for me?
- Do I feel better during and/or after it?
- Does it make me feel empowered and powerful?
- Does it make me feel hot and confident and strong?
- Does it give me pleasure?
- Does it benefit my life?
- Does it benefit my bank account?
- Does it better my life in some way? (more positive than negative)
- Does it inspire me?
These are all yes or no answer questions. It’s a gut feeling. It’s a quick yes or no answer and then you trust it. “It” doesn’t have to tick all the boxes of all these questions to be a beneficial part of your life, but these are examples of questions you can ask yourself and if it is yes to ANY of them, it’s probably beneficial. I don’t know anything though. I’m just writing stuff I’m experimenting with. Don’t give your authority and power away to anyone ever :)
Obviously there’s going to be things that are good for us that bring resistance to us, but they ‘shouldn’t’ activate our nervous system and give us anxiety. If there’s THAT much resistance to something, maybe it actually isn’t good for you. Maybe it isn’t aligned. If something is causing you pain or discomfort or disgust, maybe don’t do it. If hanging out with someone always leaves you feeling deflated or feeling confused as to what was meant by a certain comment, maybe spend less time around that person. There’s always an alternative that likely is just as good for you without the negative affects on your nervous system.
We have very well designed internal sensors for what serves our life. All we need to do is tune into our body and feel it. And then most importantly, TRUST it.
So many of us force ourselves to watch things we don’t like, run or play sports or do some physical activity that feels like torture, stay in groups that don’t feel nurturing and that bring us down, participate in activities that are supposed to be healthy but that we absolutely hate. We literally do torture ourselves. And for what? To get someone’s approval? To avoid death?
If what you are doing is feeling like torture, it isn’t helping you avoid death. If anything, it’s probably bringing you closer to it with the stress of it. I think it’s totally valuable to challenge ourselves and push ourselves through discomfort to strengthen our will and learn discipline, but at some point, something’s gotta give. If it isn’t fostering the results you desire, maybe it isn’t the path.
So how are you torturing yourself? And better — Why are you torturing yourself?
I tortured myself because I felt a lot of shame. I felt like a bad person and like I deserved to suffer. I felt guilty or broken for feeling the way I felt about certain things. I thought that I owed others something, or that I would be hated if I didn’t participate in something that didn’t feel good to me.
Now I’m realizing how absolutely ridiculous that all is. I’m human. We all make mistakes and the fact that I care about being a good person means I’m a good person.
Also, nobody wants you there if you don’t want to be there. People can be pushy and convincing and encouraging in the name of “helping” others or thinking they’re doing the right thing, but you have to see through it and not give in to the guilt. You have to be even pushier about protecting YOUR freewill and spirit. You have to be able to shut down advice or invites assertively, without feeling guilt.
Some of this stuff seems silly to be really truly embodying these lessons at 30, but I also have compassion for my journey and for being a woman and all the disempowerment it comes with. Maybe it’s also because I’m short and act sweet… who knows. I didn’t want to give my power away, but I often allowed that to happen. Sometimes I was searching for answers. I got in the habit of leaning on others for answers, rather than myself. I was also exploring, trying to discover what was right. But by being lost, I became vulnerable to others (unintentional) manipulation.
Sometimes I’m completely wrong too. Like sometimes I’m trying to figure out what’s going on and I end up blaming something that isn’t at fault. That happens too. I think that sometimes it is helpful to involve some key people in your life that you trust. For a long time, I didn’t think I could trust anyone, but trusting someone comes down to knowing that they’re always there for you. They may not have the right answers all the time, but at least they don’t abandon you. You can trust them to hold on.
It’s a journey of getting to know yourself, and for me, the only way to that has been through losing myself many times, only to find that fire and fight to come back to life. I’ve needed the people who know me best and who see the best in me. No one can give you all the answers, not even some so called higher power. It’s only you who knows what’s right for you. But sometimes conversations and people can help you find your way.
My “higher power” is delusional. It’s this voice in my head or this programming deep inside me that tells me to be with an ex that was abusive. It’s the one that tells me to be impulsive and quit jobs and be driven by emotion. My higher power is insane. Or maybe I’ve been confusing that for my higher power, when really my higher power is my abillity to see through the bullshit and see clearly. Maybe my higher power doesn’t matter at all. If a term bamboozles the shit out of you, like this has for me, discard it. I like my highest self. I like personal empowerment. I like to connect to my authentic self and inner power. I do no want to give it away to anyone or anything ever.
My highest SELF, is strong. She is conscious and gets to decide and take control of her life. She gets to choose. She gets to create her life however she wants it. She’s not giving control over to anyone or any force in the universe. She’s the only one with the power to create the life she wants and she’s gunna fucking do it.
Here’s to being strong, powerful, empowered humans and creating our best lives ❤
I’d love to know, what makes you feel powerful? COMMENT BELOW❤
— akèso
